Toxic MIL and her minions are driving me crazy

2021.12.07 05:14 capablebratz Toxic MIL and her minions are driving me crazy

I (25F) have been dating my current boyfriend (24M) for the past 4.5 years. My SO and I met on Twitter and began dating long distance. I was in Los Angeles, focusing on my career, and he was in Houston, still in college. For the first 2 years of our long distance relationship, everything was great and I was taking trips frequently to visit him and his family. It got to a point in our relationship where we agreed that we wanted to take the next big step in our relationship and close the gap. He refused to move to LA for me because of the cost (I don’t blame him) but also because he’s a very family oriented person and his entire immediate family lives within 20 minutes away from him. I tried to explain to him that my career was just beginning (I’m a Fashion Illustrator and YouTube Content Creator) and if I just up and left, I most likely wouldn’t get another chance to get my foot in the door in Hollywood as a Costume Set Designer. He understood yet gave me an ultimatum - if I didn’t move to him, he didn’t see our relationship lasting any longer. Afraid of losing someone I truly loved and cared about (and it being my first real relationship), I packed my bags and moved to Houston. Yeah, dumb on my part I know. We got our first apartment and everything was great! Until I began getting closer to his mother. The crazy thing is, there was no problems every time I would fly out to visit my SO and his family. Things only started going south when we decided to be serious and close the gap between us.
Let me just state this. There were no red flags with his mother (45F) when I came to visit multiple times in the beginning of our relationship - but I believe there’s a reason for that. I don’t think she saw that her son and I were truly serious about settling down and starting a life together. When I had moved here for my SO, I didn’t know a single soul until I made the decision to enroll back into the local state university to receive my 2nd degree. Naturally, because I had not made friends of my own yet, I looked towards my MIL for friendship which I didn’t think was wrong because I knew at the end of the day that if I wanted to marry her son, I would enjoy having a strong and caring relationship with my future mother in law. I come from a very toxic and manipulative family of my own and no longer speak to my parents so I really looked forward to being included in a real family, since he claimed from the beginning that his family is very close, supportive, and loving. I was very open and honest with my MIL (and her family) and really trusted her (and them) with a lot of aspects of my life that I hadn’t shared with anyone in YEARS, aside from my therapist of course, but simply out of trauma. In a way, MIL and I trauma bonded because for context, she got pregnant at 20, fresh in college, to a man who cheated on her all 14 years of their marriage yet willingly still had 4 children with this man, my SO being the oldest. Aside from trauma bonding, I rooted for her, supported her, and even helped her when it came to going back to college to finally receive her Bachelor’s Degree.
Let me just list out a few..

  1. For starters, after opening up to her about my past with my parents about how toxic, manipulative, and controlling they were, and telling her all the awful things my parents had done and said to me, MIL made it out to seem as if I was lying. She literally refused to believe how horrible my parents had treated me because in HER mind, since she came from a loving and supportive family, she could NEVER see a family being this way towards their own child. Unfortunately, she went as far as to share this opinion about my past with the rest of the entire family and persuaded them to ALSO believe that my parents could have never treated me the way I described. It was only up until my parents had visited and they had met them that they believed me. After my man’s family had met my family, they all would say things like “oh wow, your father is horrible” “we can’t believe you were treated this way for so long” and even “we understand you now” …but not a single genuine apology was given to me.
  2. Another red flag: MIL would make me feel utterly stupid at times for wanting a future with HER SON and would act annoyed when I would talk about how much I cared for him. TO MY FACE!!!! You mean to tell me that your son is in his mid-20’s, has a stable job/career, and has found a supportive and loving woman who also has a stable job/career to settle down with and you’re annoyed? Not to mention the amount of times this woman has told me TO MY FACE, “I don’t want my son to marry you because I think you’re both not ready for the commitment or to have babies.” May I remind you, we are both in our mid-20’s, damn near strutting into our 30’s. It’s giving very much “I want to date my own son” vibes… because how on Earth do you think it’s okay to say “I don’t want my son to marry you for reasons x, y, and z” to someone who has been in a committed and growing relationship for 4 years, going on 5. She also refers to her son as her “first love” and despite everyone around me pointing out how extremely weird that is, my man refuses to believe it is weird. Also, who on Earth said that marriage immediately leads to babies?
  3. Another red flag: After I had opened up to her about my career as a Social Media Content Creator and YouTuber, MIL started to make unnecessary comments about my social media lifestyle and YouTube channel. My SO is very supportive of my careers and even has dabbled in the Social Media Industry as a streamer and has experienced mild success. I’ve been in this industry for 7 years now and I’ve worked tremendously hard and anyone who is in this industry understands how competitive and mentally tough it is to be a content creator. MIL will lecture me and degrade my career as a content creator in a heartbeat and in the same breath, ask me to teach her how to start a YouTube channel OF HER OWN. Aside from being a Content Creator, when I lived in LA, I worked in Hollywood as a Costume Set Designer for a few small projects. Nothing big but of course, it paid the bills. I recently found out that MIL has been talking down on me to my man about my careers in both the Film Industry and in the Social Media Industry. Some things she has said either to my face and via text message are
To my face: “I don’t understand how all these people are interested in you.” "Why do you share your life with strangers, that's weird." “YouTube is not steady and it is not constant. It is not dependable.”
Via texts to her son: “She keeps mentioning her ‘career’ in LA. She didn’t have a career.” “She needs to stop believing this fantasy that she’ll be able to live her entire life off of this income.” “What she does isn’t even a real job.”
  1. Whenever there is conflict, MIL loves to get the family involved - specifically, certain members who she thinks will “humble” me (which never works, if I may add.) These specific family members are her own 22 year old daughter and 18 year old niece. Both who do not like me - that’s a completely different story for another day that I wouldn’t mind sharing. After I found out about MIL speaking down on me to her son, I messaged her personally and respectively about the rude and awful things she said. Instead of apologizing, she sent me a large paragraph full of backhanded compliments. She ran and told certain family members ultimately leading to her daughter and niece stalking my every move on social media, specifically Twitter and Instagram. I’m a very open Content Creator, I don’t refrain or hold back from speaking about things that happen to me or upset me, especially from the people who support me because at the end of the day I am human, I am going to experience things that upset me and I’m going to share those struggles regardless. The girls have gone out of their way to screenshot my tweets and Instagram stories, and send them into the family group chat (which I’m not allowed to be in because I’m not blood family.) It’s gotten to the point where my SO’s sister has created 5+ fake Instagram accounts to stalk me and I know this because I cross referenced the sister’s real Instagram page’s IP address with the IP addresses of all the fake burner accounts she has created. And the IP addresses match up perfectly. (My SO’s major is Cyber Security and he taught me how to do this.) The grandparents got involved when they found out the girls were stalking me and lectured MIL, her daughter, and the cousin to LEAVE ME ALONE.
  2. There are MANY other red flags, I have an entire Notes page filled with them but to wrap things up, here’s one more worth mentioning: By far the thing that frustrates me the MOST about MIL is her lack of education towards mental illnesses. I was diagnosed BPD 3 years ago and found out it was genetically passed down to me by my mother. She has never cared to allow me to educate her on my mental illnesses and in the beginning, thought it was all a joke. She would go as far as to say to me “I think it’s all in your head. You don’t need medication. I believe God can cure you. You just need to pray and God will heal you. Prayer works.” Her son and I have tried countless amount of times to explain to her that it is a literal chemical imbalance in my brain and that I didn’t just wake up and choose to be this way. She only started to believe mental illnesses were real when her own daughter told her that she was experiencing seasonal depression while attending college up north. I can’t even begin to explain how heartbreaking it felt finding out that she was suddenly doing everything in her power to learn to understand her daughter’s mental illness the second she learned about it, yet dismissed mine every single chance she got. To this day, she still makes horrible comments about my mental illness and whenever I disagree with her about anything she loves to pull the “are you on your meds?” card.. it’s absolutely disgusting.
Every year my SO’s grandparents book 2 family vacations for everyone in the immediate family to attend. This year, it was a family unanimous decision to spend Christmas together in Colorado. Earlier this past week, I was offered an amazing job opportunity to return back to LA. My SO and I sat down and discussed it and decided we would tell the family TOGETHER on this trip about my decision to move back to LA to focus on my career. Thinking that I was in the clear since MIL and her minions were told to leave me alone by the grandparents, I made an Instagram story post to surprise my friends and family in LA that I was possibly coming home for good. I have well over 200+ friends/family in LA so it didn’t make sense to message so many people personally when I could just post a story that everyone could witness and stir up some excitement. It unfortunately backfired. MIL’s daughter created her 6th fake account, saw my Instagram story, screenshotted it, and once again sent it into the family group chat with a negative perspective. It riled up the entire family and my man was blown up with messages and calls - WHILE AT WORK. Everyone bombarded him with very personal questions about our relationship and whether we were breaking up. Not only did MIL’s daughter ruin the entire announcement for me, but she also made the entire family to believe there was a negative reason as to why I was going to move back to LA. I would like to point out that her daughter is studying to be a lawyer yet it’s very comical that she’s getting caught stalking me on social media MULTIPLE times. Beyond upset and frustrated, I confronted MIL’s daughter and called her out. I told her that when I saw her, it was on sight. She didn’t like this and immediately ran to her mother and snitched. This then lead MIL to text me and start cussing me out. MIL told me to cancel my flight to Colorado because I was no longer welcomed by her or in her family. I told her that was fine and that I truly didn’t want to be apart of a family who is okay with treating me poorly and not holding certain family members accountable for their constant harassment and bullying. I fought them both back and defended myself to the point where NEITHER responded back after I told them both off.
I would like to point out that my SO has checked his mother multiple times and has told her off plenty. As well as his sister and cousin, who both STILL go out of their way to stalk me to this day on their burner accounts. The worst part about all of this is that I’ve done so many nice things for her from the bottom of my heart to show her that I appreciate her and because I truly wanted a great relationship with my future mother-in-law. To list out a few, I’ve taken her graduation photos (didn’t charge her), created and ordered her graduation invitations (didn’t charge her again), helped her constantly with her schoolwork, created MANY of her school projects for her including a YouTube video for one of her biggest projects, helped out tremendously by taking care of her two youngest who are young teenagers while she’s back in college, and SO much more. This woman is 45 years old, lives at home with her parents and her children, doesn’t pay rent or help out with the bills, and her own parents, sister, and my SO (her oldest son) and myself help her take care of her 2 youngest sons. She is graduating this weekend with her Bachelor’s Degree in Hospitality and just accepted her first real job…
I honestly just don’t know what to do at this point when it comes to my SO. He’s upset with me for “adding fuel to the fire” and for getting removed from the Christmas Colorado trip. He’s also stating that he doesn’t know how to do damage control now since his entire family wants nothing to do with me. He has argued with both his family and I and has stated he feels like he’s ALWAYS in the middle. It’s not fair to me that he feels like he’s in the middle when in reality, I feel like he should be standing up for me because why on Earth would he ever be okay with his mother treating his future wife so poorly? To be honest, I could care less if his family likes me or not. At the end of the day, I’m not marrying him for his family. I simply refuse to sit here and continue to be a punching bag (which I have been for the past 2 years of living with him and dealing with certain members of his family.) I’m standing up for myself and will continue to do so against my MIL and her little minions. Really, I’m asking for advice because at this point I have no idea what to do.
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2021.12.07 05:14 pleasedontfollowm3-5 Sephora Noori

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2021.12.07 05:14 Baguette_exe POV: COVID got into tf2 and players buying up every hat

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2021.12.07 05:14 eiahtic which one is the hardest?

i am required to take 2 upper level math classes. i am trying to assess how difficult each one is or which one is more manageable than the others. feel free to comment on their difficulty level and what to expect. i’d be happy to see some tips/suggestions as well!
View Poll
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2021.12.07 05:14 What-is-not Some updates from puppet state of Finland. See, how the same propaganda is being held from North Atlantic to Scandinavia to rest of the Europe. I will also share some interesting facts for you to think about.

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2021.12.07 05:14 PayingHyip The world is moving on to witness an unprecedented pace

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2021.12.07 05:14 taffe316 American Reacts to The Crystal Maze (#3)

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2021.12.07 05:14 supersecretaccount95 I (26F) Am unsure how to break things off with my SO (27M) or if I am being unfair.

I went to visit my country a couple of months ago, and damn was I happy- now that I’m back I keep wondering why I’m even in the states and well… it’s because of my relationship. Though often times I realize that I don’t even know why I am holding this relationship over my happiness.
When I left I was pretty depressed. My SO didn’t want to be sexually active because as he said “he didn’t have a sex drive anymore” and he stopped giving the relationship any time. He’d play with his friends every single day, calling from the moment he’d wake up or come home from work to the moment he’d go to sleep. I don’t mind him calling with his friends, but every day through most of the day seems like a lot to me. Sometimes he wouldn’t eat dinner because of playing and never really helped around the apartment other than him paying more than I did for rent. I was also starting to get very depressed lol and even after letting him know and talking about his lack of attention towards the relationship he didn’t really change.
When I was in my country I was happy. I was with my family, who made me feel loved and like I mattered. People who I could relate to, and who I could talk to. If I moved to my country not only would I have them but I would also be a lot more financially stable since I have a house there and everything else is cheaper (I’d be making money in dollars too).
Now that I’m back I noticed how much my depression worsened. I’m always in a bad mood, things that made me excited feel dull now, I can barely get up to clean or do chores, I eat once a day because that’s all my body allows.
My SO said he’d change once I came back but nothing has really changed lol he only treated me like a girlfriend for a week and then 2 months later it’s back to where we were. If I tell him I’m depressed or sad or down he’ll be like “that sucks :(“
All he does is buy me stuff when I have told him I don’t want any, I just want his attention for at least a little bit.. At one point I gave my all, because I thought it was me the one that wasn’t putting enough effort, but now I have stopped caring specially because of me being super depressed.
I wanna go back to my country, with my family, with my friends. But why can’t I stop our relationship? I don’t know if I am wrong in wanting to break things off.. How can I bring things to an end?
I am 27F, he’s 27M. We have been together for 3 years now.
TL;DR- Boyfriend hasn’t changed and I don’t know if I’d be best in my country where I was happy and could do much better. I just don’t know how to end my relationship, or if I should at all.
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2021.12.07 05:14 Temporin59 Muss die Polizei bei nächtlicher Ruhestörung kommen.

Ich werde von meinen Nachbarn gemobbt. Die betreiben mit Absicht Ruhestörung damit ich schlaflos auf die Arbeit komme.
Habe heute um 05:00 Uhr erneut bei der Polizei angerufen und der Polizist hat gemeint die können nicht jedes Mal vorbei kommen und hat keinen hingeschickt.
War das von der Polizei rechtens?
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2021.12.07 05:14 IFuckinHateHeroes Prime WB and Prime Roger and Prime Garp vs The Four Yonko

Assuming in this scenario that both Prime Whitebeard and Blackbeard possess the Gura Gura no mi at the same time

Location: Hachinosu
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2021.12.07 05:14 JealousAmoeba Is CBN tincture supposed to taste sweet?

I ordered some CBN and deltinctures from 3chi and the taste seems sweeter than I’m used to. I was wondering if maybe there is some additional sweetener that isn’t listed in the ingredients? The d8 is only mildly sweet but the CBN is downright sugary which seems weird. I try to avoid added sugars due to digestive issues so that’s why I’m wondering.
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2021.12.07 05:14 beautifull_heart وينك

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2021.12.07 05:14 RNGjitse Shard of the Naaru played in arena did not count towards my "play 25 spells" quest. Do tradeable cards not count as spells?

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2021.12.07 05:14 Powerful-Spend-6905 IPhone

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2021.12.07 05:14 Beneficial-Rain4302 Is the Eureka mignon manuale overkill for me?

Hi all, I’ve just got myself a Bambino Plus. This is my first espresso machine.
I’m now looking for a grinder and considering between the Breville Smart Grinder Pro or investing a bit more in the Eureka Mignon Manaule.
I’ve been leaning toward the SGP as it is cheaper and for a beginner the digital interfaces seems to be quite intuitive. Alos a couple of mates have recommended it.
However I’ve been trawling through this sub reddit and there seems to be really mixed views, which lead me to the Eureka Mignon Manaule.
Since I’m really only dipping my toe in the water do you think it would be best to stick with the SGP?
Or if not, is the EMM overkill for my Bambino Plus?
What else am I missing?
Thanks very much
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2021.12.07 05:14 SpaceLover1969 🌌 ShibaGalaxy ($GALAXY) 🌌| Anti-Whale | BNB Rewards 💵 | Just Launched! | Market Cap Under 10k 🔥 | Experienced Dev Team 💥| Hodl Contest Happening Now! 🚀

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2021.12.07 05:14 NutmegOnEverything Gazpacho ramen

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2021.12.07 05:14 rennn10 Come join our Discord!

Hi all, we have been noticing an uptick in chances posts and other commonly asked questions in this sub. If you are wondering about any of the following, the best place to find the answer is in our discord:
- chances of receiving an interview with x GPA and x GAMSAT
- suggested target/goal GAMSAT score with x GPA
- where to find resources for GAMSAT study
- admissions criteria for specific universities
- past admissions scores
Everyone is extremely friendly, and you can always reach out to one of the mods (same username as they have on here, in red) if you need help with anything. Looking forward to chatting with you there!
For current members, does anyone have any questions or feedback regarding the discord so far?
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2021.12.07 05:14 prettycherrygirl Disrespected in class

Nobody knows me personally/is friends with me in my afternoon nursing diploma program. I’m doing classes for my engineering degree in the morning at a 4 year university so I don’t mind! Today we had to connect desks and the girl at the next desk exclaimed “I don’t wanna sit near my name “ I just said who said I wanna sit near u cuz uh. Ya. Then 15-20 minutes later she told the instructor to put two other girls where I sit (my permanent seat) and I move. That’s very unprofessional and rude. She looked at me and said no offends I ignored and she said why are you so quiet? I said i just don’t know what to say. Later she said sorry if I hurt your feelings In a non genuine way * it was bad * I was about to explain to her that it was disrespect when she said “is it just annoying?” WHAT I will be speaking to the director of the campus tomorrow what do y’all think? My dad is a ex lawyer turned PhD engineer so I really wanna bring him in with me to talk to the director. Cause he’s furious too and knows how to talk.
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2021.12.07 05:14 Mysterious_Dog_1164 Alguém joga em algum discord aqui?

Pessoal queria saber se o pessoal aqui usa discord para trocar ideias a respeito do game. Notei que está comunidade possui discord porém o convite expirou. Se alguém souber de algo manda um sinal pls
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2021.12.07 05:14 WhyTheTuck The NZ-41 is BANNED by the pro players in Vanguard, find out why with this class setup.

The NZ-41 is BANNED by the pro players in Vanguard, find out why with this class setup.
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2021.12.07 05:14 trotek01 I present

I present
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